


One Fine Day in Hell

by kwonbagel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Character Death, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten Being an Asshole, Couch Cuddles, Crack, Dark Crack, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Murder, Park Jisung is the real victim here, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, animal was harmed in the making of this fic, but nobody else is, dojae probs is too, i'm sorry i done did that ten, well more like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 06:53:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17340668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwonbagel/pseuds/kwonbagel
Summary: A walk in the woods helps Doyoung relax and release tension. The fact that he was dragging a body behind him should be irrelevant. Or that there was a butter knife in their chest. Completely irrelevant.





	One Fine Day in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> wtf @ self

It first started when Jaehyun burnt three pieces of bread in an attempt to make a grilled cheese sandwich. The fourth one was grilled just enough that it was a golden brown. He sat down right next to Doyoung who, like the demon he was, was eating the burnt pieces. Jaehyun raised his sandwich, paused to savor the smell, then took a bite of air. He cracked open an eye to see Ten next to him eating what was his damned sandwich. 

“The gays are more important. You can make another anyway,” was Ten’s reply.

“You twink! I am gay,” Jaehyun stands up while he protested.

“Sorry to be the one to tell you but you’re fake gay sis,” Ten pushed Jaehyun into the kitchen to make another sandwich while Doyound said, “don’t break my kitchen” in the background. 

“I have a boyfriend!

“More the reason I should have it. I’m a single pining over Johnny and this is a pity sandwich.” 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Jaehyun threw at him the first thing he picked up, which happened to be a leek. Ten pretended to fall over and spasm, knocking over and breaking Doyoung’s china set.

“WAS THAT MY FUCKING CHINA SET?!?”

Jaehyun and Ten looked at each with wide eyes. “Fuck.” Jaehyun threw another leek at him. “Now I’m going to be single too. Thanks bitch.”

There were several more occurrences between Jaehyun, Ten, and a piece of bread before Doyoung was on the edge of snapping.

As soon as Jaehyun turned around to put the butter back in the fridge, Ten glided over, delicately snapped the piece of the plate, and danced away. 

Jaehyun fell over dejectedly as soon as he turned back and saw the empty plate. “I’m going to dress him up as a lettuce and feed him piece by piece to Jisung’s hamster. MARK MY WORDS CHITTAPHON LEECHAIYAPORNKUL!”

“HA, MARK,” Ten yelled back between bites. By now, Doyoung’s eye was twitching more than a coffee addict. He was tired of them bantering over bread and Jaehyun’s whining for weeks. It had to stop. 

“Honey, can I borrow this butter knife for only a little bit?” Doyoung smiled extremely sweetly, implying that Jaehyun was never getting it back.  

“Sure,” Jaehyun said, distracted by the now empty bread bag inside the fridge drawer.  

Doyoung grabbed and placed it inside his bag and throwing it onto his shoulder before going to the living room, where Ten was sitting. “Hey, I’m going to stop by the store real quick to get more bread so Jaehyun can get over himself. Want a ride home? It’s getting dark outside really quick, I doubt you want to walk in that.” 

“Dumbass politicians are screw-ups,” he muttered. “If you don’t mind, thanks.”  

“No problem,” Doyoung handed him his keys. “Go ahead and start the car. I’m going to tell Jaehyun bye first. Ten sent him air kisses and gagged before he walked out the front door.

The fake smile immediately fell off his face “Damn, I really hate him.”

He walks into the kitchen and gives Jaehyun quick kiss. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, be careful,” Jaehyun said before going back to hugging his bread bag. Doyoung rolled his eyes.

The ride to Ten’s apartment was deadly silent, Doyoung’s heart was beating out of his chest.  _ You’ve been wanting to do this for weeks, get it together. You’ll finally be able to get rid of him,  _ Doyoung reassured himself of his upcoming actions. 

They arrive right in front of the complex. “Well, I guess this is bye. See you next time Jaehyun has bread.” Ten laughed as if it’s funny as he got out of the car.

Doyoung hurriedly grabbed the butter knife out of his bag, fumbled with the door and ran over to Ten. Ten turned around, his eyes widening as Doyoung buried the knife into Ten. 

“Well, at least I’ll get see my mans, Satan now,” Ten coughed up blood before cackling at Doyoung. “Damn, I didn’t think you had it in you. What’s Jaehyun going to say when he meets you in jail.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything, only pushing the knife into him more.

“Make sure to get wheat bread, Jaehyun only likes white bread,” Ten mumbled of as he hissed. His eyes started to flutter. 

Doyoung only felt numb of any other emotion besides pure happiness as he dragged Ten’s body to his car.

Getting back into the car, Doyoung let out a breath and checked the time on his phone.  _ 8:03 pm, _ it read. Underneath it, he saw a notification. 

 

**From Jaehyunie <3: ** Are you staying the night?

 

Doyoung quickly replied yes before he started the car with a body thrown in the trunk. It would be an understatement to say he got weird glances while he was in the convenience store, shopping for bread.

  
  


~

  
  


Doyoung unlocked the door to the apartment with the key Jaehyun had given him years back. He saw Jaehyun in baggy sweatpants, eating popcorn while laughing at his phone.

Doyoung couldn’t help but smile at the sound, sitting his bag and the bread on the counter.

“Is that blood, Doyoung?!?” Jaehyun looked up from where he was sitting on the couch to be met with his boyfriend smiling while covered in what looked to be crimson blood. 

“No?” Doyoung looked down at his shirt.

“That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow before disappearing to his room. Doyoung became silent and played with the hem of his shirt.

“If you killed somebody, you should’ve at least not worn a white shirt. Here.” Jaehyun’s voice grew louder as he came back. He threw him a hoodie for Doyoung to put on. “I’m not an idiot, why else would you want to borrow a butter knife?”  

“You’re just...okay with me, I don’t know chucking a knife at your co-worker because Ten kept taking your fucking bread and you wouldn’t stop complaining.”

“I’ve known you for eight years, I’m aware you’re batshit crazy.” Jaehyun laid back on the couch and beckoned him to join. “Anyway, I was tired of Ten always saying ‘Let’s get this bread’. You did Johnny a favor too.”  

“Oh, well in that case…” Doyoung cuddled into Jaehyun, who wraps his arm around him. “Let’s watching something gory.”

“Well, of course,” Jaehyun placed a kiss on his head before he leaned over to pick up the remote. If you were to look through the window, you would just see an ordinary couple with the tv light reflecting off their face as they slept. But at a closer look, you’d see they fell asleep while watching Halloween. They had always been a unique couple.

  
  


~

  
  


“So what did you do with his body?” Jaehyun asked Doyoung while making pancakes the next morning. 

Doyoung placed their mugs down on the table and took a sip of pure bitter coffee to feed his soul, “Um, I just left him in my trunk.” 

Jaehyun sat down the spatula down gently before sitting across from Doyoung and staring at him. “Have you never watched the Forensic Files?”

“No, only murders watch that,” Jaehyun gave him a pointed look as Doyoung realized his words.

“We’ll bury after breakfast down in the woods where Mark lives and remind me to stop by and get Jisung’s hamster before he gets back from school.”

“Won’t Mark see us though?” Doyoung’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. 

“Mark doesn’t ever sleep. He’ll think it’s just a hallucination,” Jaehyun waved off his concern.

“Well, then I guess it’s a plan,” he paused. “But if I get caught won’t you be an accessory to homicide?”

“Hey, then we’ll be in jail together,” Jaehyun cheered into his coffee. Doyoung smiled back before he noticed something.

“Uh, the pancake is burning.” Doyoung pointed over to the smoke coming from the stove.

“Shit!” Jaehyun scrambled out of the chair before ungracefully falling. 

  
  


~

  
  


Doyoung tried to pull his body out of the trunk but results in Ten’s head slamming on the bumper and him being stabbed again but with a stick. He had began to drag his body off the trail and through the trees. 

A walk in the woods helps Doyoung relax and release tension. The fact that he was dragging a body behind him should be irrelevant. Or that there was a butter knife in their chest. Completely irrelevant. 

In the distance, he could hear Jaehyun slamming the trunk then his footsteps as he crunched the dead leaves.. He let him catch up to him, not that he went far.  _ For someone so short, why does he weigh enough to be on My 600 lb Life,  _ Doyoung thought, huffing.

When he looked over his shoulder, his heart stopped and he melted as he saw Jaehyun with a hamster inside his bomber jacket’s (which he was wearing to fight off the cold) pocket. He looked ethereal in the light of the morning.

Jaehyun walked over to him and gripped onto Ten’s ankles. “You ready?”

“As long as you’re here helping me,” Doyoung grinned up at Jaehyun and Jaehyun mirrored him. And in between them, Ten stayed dead 

They took most of the morning digging a hole to throw Ten in before they had to kill Jisung’s hamster to place over Ten’s body in case anybody ever found the spot. 

“I can’t do it,” Doyoung cried as he held the knife over the cute hamster.

“You kill a fucking breathing person but you can’t kill a chubby, old hamster that you’d probably be doing a favor?”

Doyoung looked up from where he was crouching, his eyes pleading with Jaehyun. “But he’s so cute and what are we going to tell Jisung.” Jaehyun grabbed Fat Kun out of his grasp as well as the knife.”

“Just tell him it ran away.”

“How does a hamster escape a fucking cage?”

“I don’t know, ask Yukhei. He did it.” Jaehyun stabbed the hamster repeatedly before placing it over Ten’s body and placed a layer of dirt over them. Doyoung winced but took Jaehyun’s hand that offered to pull him up. They walk on the trail this time, side by side, back to the car. Just your average murderous couple. 

Jaehyun leaned over and put his arm on the arm rest for his hand to be grasped by his boyfriend. Doyoung placed his hand with his and sighed contently, “That was thrilling. We should make this a regular date night or something.” 

“Doyoung no, we’re not cuddling next to a fucking corpse. This isn’t a poly relationship with dead bodies, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> We stan a domestic relationship with a dead body. Don't take this seriously lol.
> 
>  
> 
> edit: I'm not calling kun fat, pls dont think that. I'm referencing a joke xuxi made on a vlive.


End file.
